But We Carried On Anyway
by WhoWillSaveUs
Summary: "And I'm not going to pretend like it was all magic and sunshine and marshmallows right away. The next day I was just as bitter and judgemental as I had been for about 2 years." Leah is tricked into hope, but for her, how long can it last?


I do not own the Twilight franchise, sensation thing. Oxford Comma belongs the the talented Vampire Weekend. Vampire...Twilight..ahahah. ...there's no affiliation.

Sum: "And I'm not going to pretend like it was all magic and sunshine and marshmallows right away. The next day I was just as bitter and judgemental as I had been for about 2 years. But that's how beginnings are." Rated for language, and serious adult themes later.

A/N: This is kind of a challenge story, to get myself out of the fluffy writing funk I've been in. I don't know where it will end up. I'm seeing threesome relationships, or homosexuality, or suicide or something later. So if you aren't looking for that, I'm giving you fair warning.

Chapter One: Oxford Comma

Who gives a fuck about an oxford comma?  
I've seen those english dramas too  
They're cruel  
So if there's any other way  
To spell the word  
It's fine with me, with me

Why would you speak to me that way  
Especially when I always said that I  
Haven't got the words for you  
All your diction dripping with disdain  
Through the pain  
I always tell the truth

-

I've been called a lot of things by a lot of different people. They've never been super positive, but in a past life I kind of fancied it was out of jealousy. Now there was no way even I could manage to delusion myself into believing that anyone would somehow be jealous of the deep fried ball of shit my life had become. Deep fried...goddamn I'm hungry.

She that's the shit I'm talking about. As a 20 year old female I should have squashed any sense of appetite in order to fit into size 2 skinny jeans, about 5 years ago. But hell to the naw, I'm stuck wolfing down half a dozen double cheese burgers every few hours while other girls my age exist on croutonless salads and diet cokes. Whatever.

And it's not like I asked for any of this shit. Ignoring all the huge stuff, like becoming a wolf in front of your dad, forcing him into a fatal heart attack. Plus the sharing a brain with the guy who had at least implied that you two would spend your lives together, before dropping you for your favorite cousin, who in your personal opinion really could have resisted the whole situation a little bit more energetically.

But it's the small stuff that really kills me. Like the thoughts that sneak into my head when I'm hurriedly shoving on underwear behind a tree, knowing he's on the other side of the tree doing the same, like how we used to do something along those lines, minus the tree. And the familiarity of the smell of him from across the lawn, and the familiarity of the smell of her, and the electrifying, heartbreaking unfamiliarity of their smells combined. And the fact that on her ring finger there is a little ring of paleness, and on my hands there are just calluses and nails bit down to the quick.

And I know that I don't make any of it any easier for any of them. But as much as I hate this curse that God in his infinite quest for ironically cruel ways to amuse himself, gave me, I can't help but feel like it's some sort of cosmic karma. Like 'Leah, I am going to torture the shit out of you. But its okay cuz I'm gonna let you torture other people too."  
Because it makes it bearable. And I might as well find some way to pass the time while I slowly waste away into bitter nothingness-"

"Leah, I swear to God if you don't control your weird cosmic PMSing thing, I will find you and throw you off of a cliff."

"Oh yeah sure thing, Quil! I would hate to burden your poor pedophilic mind with silly ramblings of things like tragic depression and impending doom, when you could be dwelling on more important things like whether or not you can spike formula milk with Rohypnol!"

"What's up, bitches?" Embry had arrived to relieve me.

"HEY, LEAH, GO SUCK A-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I've heard it all before. Later." And with that I phased out, leaving Embry to deal with the bad mood I had left Quil in, feeling slightly morbidly pleased with myself. I mean, yeah it's kind of a sad life, but at least I accomplished something tonight. Did any of you send a usually chipper and restrained werewolf into a towering rage within minutes? I doubt it. (If you did though hit me up sometime, I could use an accomplice)

Since I phased out without really focusing on my surroundings, I was forced to walk the mile and a half home naked till I got to the spot where I left my clothes. Whatever, it was worth it.

And that was my life. Wallowing in my misery, and picking fights with the people I was closest to for my own twisted amusement. Until the next day. And I'm not going to pretend like it was all magic and sunshine and marshmallows right away. The next day I was just as bitter and judgmental as I had been for about 2 years. But that's how beginnings are. You don't always recognize them, or else you'd be able to stop them, and then it would just be a weird moment, in an unchanging existence. And believe me when I say, I probably would have tried to stop it.


End file.
